Belugas,
We have our third game of the season TONIGHT against the Secondhand Hounds at 9:00pm at the same damn field as usual. I believe this is the only other team that stayed in the league from last year, so it is our time for redemption. And I guaren-damn-tee that the weather will be warmer than last week.
Beluga. White. Dynamite.
Nate.
Belugas,
After waking up this morning on a rocket ship at the Galaxy Drive-In with a shake in one hand and a beer in the other, I can safely conclude that we won last nights game. 
From what I remember, we won in the most Beluga way possible… blowing a huge lead but still finding a way to sneak out a few runs in the last inning to deliver a huge blow to the other team.
The win, although not the most epic, was monumental for our team, because we have officially DOUBLED the number of wins from the previous two seasons COMBINED! Not only that, we didn’t suck the entire game! In celebration, as seen in the photo above, Daniel broke out the rare Truffle Shuffle, and for that, we thank you.
There were many highlights to the excellent game, providing some of the best moments of our very young season:
Also, we would like to formally welcome Tara and Tracey onto the team, as they now have official Beluga web sites. We also kicked a few people off the roster, until they prove they can drink with the best.
White Dynamite Out.
Nathaniel.
Belugas,
Last week was a hard fought battle, and despite what the scoreboard said, we were able to chalk up our first win of the season! (Technically). The game provided many Beluga level highlights, leaving us only to wonder what might come of this season:
Our season continues on tonight with a match up against The R.T.M. machine at 9:00pm. We will have our normal white lighting and black magic bats, so bring your best effort, even though it won’t be enough.
I am tall. I am White Lightening.
Nate.
Belugas,
As of right now, our game is on as scheduled! If you don’t hear anything else from me tonight, it is because I am tall. Our game is scheduled for 9:00pm against Seward Narwhals. For those of you that don’t know, a Beluga is a form of a Narwal. Steph, this does not mean you get to play for the other team. Amanda, this does not mean that you get to kill the other team “for research purposes” while being followed by activists.
Also, everyone needs to bring a check of $65 to pay for t-shirts, league fees, and alcohol. Please do not forget!
I am the one.
Nate.
Today’s game has been CANCELLED! The powers at be (the city of Minneapolis) decided to wait until Caitlin’s broken toe is completely healed so our reign of dominance can continue.
I. Am. Tall.
White Dynamite.
P.S., if Amanda asks, the game is still on, because it would be funny if she showed up and no one was there.
Good Day Belugas,
This is Nate “White Dynamite” Moline, or as the Mexican’s working the soup kitchen I frequent like to call me, “El Hombre Alto”. It was brought to my attention that our season starts in less than a week. Although I am still nursing a hangover from a 6 week binge drinking session, I have decided to will up enough mental strength to recap the off season for many of the Belugas.
Going into the off season, I told everyone “practice makes perfect,” and in doing so, was hoping most people would work on their softball abilities. It appeared that no one did anything of the sort…
– Amanda was last spotted in Columbia trying to recreate Weekend at Bernie’s with the body of Pablo Escobar. If anyone has any information on her whereabouts, please call the FBI hotline.
– Caitlin, disgusted by his red Tahoe, forced Dan to become a lesbian and made him buy a brand new Subaru. To this day, Dan has been unable to find his man card and can be found sobbing in his basement to old episodes of Friends.
– Sommer served 5 months in a federal prison for stabbing a co-worker with a calculator after they claimed that “debits do not equal credits.” Although she did not practice softball, Sommer did manage to join the Cripes, who are sponsoring our team this year!
– Due to a midlife crisis (because he is old as hell), Mike spent several weeks in Galveston, Texas attempting to recreate his senior year spring break by throwing knives at seagulls and playing with dead sharks.
– Steph vowed to spend the winter using physics to determine the optimal Beluga batting stance. After many successful attempts, she attributed the Beluga’s poor batting to “constantly being black out drunk.”
– Bri took up college coaching again, only to find that binge drinking on the bench while shouting about “those God damn hipsters” is not nearly as acceptable at Macalester College as it is for the Belugas.
– Paul attempted to murder Pat by recreating multiple scenes from Game of Thrones, only to find that his softball abilities translate directly into sword swinging abilities… meaning he can never hit anything no matter how slow it is moving.
Lastly, I wanted to address a few rumors about my alcoholism. Many people thought that it has settled down and I was possibly on a straightened path… I want to squash these rumors here and now. I enjoy my beers like I enjoy my life… tall.
Softball begins next Wednesaday at 7:00pm. As always, bring more people if you want, we can always bat as many people as we want besides the people in the field… except Kelsey, she can stay home.
I am tall. I am White Dynamite.
Nate
Bye!
2014 Season Information:
League: C312 (Open D) (# 37605)
Meeting Dates: From April 30, 2014 to July 16, 2014
Each Wednesday from 6pm to 10pm
Location: Nokomis #04 Softball (65/50)/ Kickball at Lake Nokomis
2401 E Minnehaha Pkwy
Minneapolis, MN 55417
Ideally, we will have a couple short practices at the beginning of April, so look for those to follow!
Hi everyone,
Team Beluga 